Each journey of grief is unique and because of that truth those that are grieving often feel alone. You can’t understand why someone grieves the way they do or even why their grief journey seems to be moving at a different pace than you think it should. Every person’s grief is unique to them. No one can truly understand what their grief feels like. You might be able to identify with their pain because you’re grieving the same loss or you’ve lost someone in the past, but grief is different for everyone. Grief truly is a lonely place to be…
How I’m Learning to Grieve with Hope This Week
I’m preparing for a vacation that I don’t really want to take. I have to get the blogs set up to continue on while I’m away. These are things I’ve been telling myself…my husband…and my kids. Yet, that isn’t all truth. I didn’t have to get the blogs set up. They could have remained quiet for a time. Life would have gone on without their being new articles posted and sent out via email.
The whole truth is this. I needed time to be alone. I needed to write through my grief.
In a clear moment I realized that my husband didn’t know that part of me. He didn’t understand why I had so much “work” to do online. All he knew was that I had emptied my plates, but now they seemed to be full again. When I realized that he wasn’t questioning how I was grieving, but instead simply didn’t recognize that it was grieving, I took time to explain why I was so “busy” with online “work”. It was a simple explanation that brought clarity that was needed for him to understand where I was emotionally and mentally and why I was doing so much online “work”.
Grace. With that explanation came the grace that I had been needing so desperately instead of the questioning I had been receiving. A simple step on my part allowed my husband to understand an intimate part of who I am and how I process grief.
I’ve had quite a bit of quiet time alone. Time that I needed for myself. I don’t want to go on vacation. I would rather stay home and be alone. God knows better than I do though and He had us begin the planning of this vacation before I was swallowed up in grief. So, the time must have arrived for me to move from isolating myself to grieve to being comforted by spending time with those who love me.
Even when I am present and spending time with my family there are many moments when I still feel alone. They know why I am sad and why I cry, but they don’t feel the pain that I do inside. They don’t know how hard it is to smile and have fun when I feel a pang of guilt knowing that I won’t ever hear her laugh again. There are times when I have to just walk away. Moments when I need to shed a few tears and cry out to Jesus. He knows how much I miss her. He understands the pain and heartache that I feel.
When I stop and spend a moment with my Jesus I find that grief is not always a lonely place.
There is much healing to be found in spilling tears as you cry out to Jesus. When I tell him the words found only in my heart…I find that I am not alone. He’s still here. Even in the midst of my lonely place of grief. Jesus is with me.
I don’t believe for a minute that there will be one particular moment that I spend with Jesus where I will cry my last tear over missing my best friend. Grief over losing her will be with me my whole life. Just as the memories of her smile and laughter will bring me joy the rest of my life. But, in each moment of this lonely place called grief, Jesus will still be here. Of this I am absolutely certain.
While God knows that I have come to a place on my grief journey where I need to spend time with others instead of being alone, I’m certain that I will still need moments to be alone…with my Jesus. I have to learn how to find balance. I can’t isolate myself forever because then I would be choosing to cling to yesterday and live in pain.
It is important that people who have experienced a loss to make certain that they balance being with people and having some private moments. – Robert DeVries
I’ve known for most of my life that I haven’t ever handled grief properly. That is why I began this journey towards learning to grieve with hope with my besties. We’re in the midst of our book study through Grieving with Hope, by Samuel J. Hodges.
Every week we’ll each be sharing our thoughts on the same chapter. It is our hope and prayer that as we learn to grieve holding tightly to the hope we have in Jesus Christ that others will be encouraged and strengthened that are on their own grief journey.