In your life after relational abuse there are many stages that you will go through. Times that seem harder than the abuse itself, freeing moments that make you want to throw caution to the wind and many more that you’ll come to experience along the way.
One of the hardest things you’ll have to do after relational abuse is the task of forgiving yourself. As women we are often very hard on ourselves wondering how we could have gotten mixed up in that kind of a mess, why we were so blind and sometimes we even begin to think how stupid we were/are to have ended up in an abusive relationship.
Forgiving yourself is something that you must do. It is essential to being able to truly live after relational abuse. It is a step you must take to release the chains your past has on you.
No matter what type of relational abuse you dealt with in your past, it was not your fault. You did not deserve it, nor is there any possible excuse for a man to have hurt you in anyway. Do not allow these type of thoughts to keep you from a new life.
Each woman has different things that she’ll need to forgive herself for, because each relationship was different. Some things that you might need to forgive yourself for are; allowing your guard down, not leaving before you did, keeping your kids in a scary situation, not listening to family and friends, going back after you left…on and on the list could go. Only you know what negative thoughts toward yourself that you struggle with. You must let them go. The past is just that. The past. Leave it there.
We aren’t called to live in yesterday, we’ve been blessed with today. That is where we need to live, and we can’t truly live the life God has blessed us with if we’re constantly looking back over our shoulders. We won’t live if we keep thinking about the “could haves” or “should haves”. Today is where we are. Today is what we have.
Letting go of the past and the mistakes you made is one of the most freeing actions you can make in your life after relational abuse. I wish I could tell you that it was a one time action, but I can’t. It is something that you will do over and over again.
Your past will sneak up on you when you least expect it, but knowing that is the most important part. Since you know that you will face it again, you’re prepared to remind yourself of the past not being today and that forgiving yourself is something you’ve already done.
Don’t forget…Forgiving yourself is the first step to living life after relational abuse.
