Being Real: Forgiving Yourself

In your life after relational abuse there are many stages that you will go through. Times that seem harder than the abuse itself, freeing moments that make you want to throw caution to the wind and many more that you’ll come to experience along the way.


One of the hardest things you’ll have to do after relational abuse is the task of forgiving yourself. As women we are often very hard on ourselves wondering how we could have gotten mixed up in that kind of a mess, why we were so blind and sometimes we even begin to think how stupid we were/are to have ended up in an abusive relationship.

Forgiving yourself is something that you must do. It is essential to being able to truly live after relational abuse. It is a step you must take to release the chains your past has on you.

No matter what type of relational abuse you dealt with in your past, it was not your fault. You did not deserve it, nor is there any possible excuse for a man to have hurt you in anyway. Do not allow these type of thoughts to keep you from a new life.

Each woman has different things that she’ll need to forgive herself for, because each relationship was different. Some things that you might need to forgive yourself for are; allowing your guard down, not leaving before you did, keeping your kids in a scary situation, not listening to family and friends, going back after you left…on and on the list could go. Only you know what negative thoughts toward yourself that you struggle with. You must let them go. The past is just that. The past. Leave it there. 

We aren’t called to live in yesterday, we’ve been blessed with today. That is where we need to live, and we can’t truly live the life God has blessed us with if we’re constantly looking back over our shoulders. We won’t live if we keep thinking about the “could haves” or “should haves”. Today is where we are. Today is what we have.

Letting go of the past and the mistakes you made is one of the most freeing actions you can make in your life after relational abuse. I wish I could tell you that it was a one time action, but I can’t. It is something that you will do over and over again.

Your past will sneak up on you when you least expect it, but knowing that is the most important part. Since you know that you will face it again, you’re prepared to remind yourself of the past not being today and that forgiving yourself is something you’ve already done.

Don’t forget…Forgiving yourself is the first step to living life after relational abuse.


About Misty Leask

Misty is a Daughter of THE King, Texas girl always, Navy brat at heart, loving Fisherman's wife, blessed mother of 2. She is passionate about being real throughout all of life's struggles, successes and dreams. Her heart is full of ideas and passions, but the hours in her day never multiply to get it all done. Misty loves writing and reading in her spare time. Music and photography are favorite past times of hers as well.


Being Real: Forgiving Yourself — 10 Comments

  1. Misty, This is such a great post filled with so much useful information for healing. I was never in an abusive relationship, but had been in a couple that were not all that great for me. Once over, it was hard to trust my decision-making process again; would I pick the wrong person again? I did have to stop asking why, learn to forgive myself, and move on. Stopping in from Living Proverbs 31.

    • Healing is a long process and when we try and rush it, the healing never truly takes place. It is so hard to trust again after being hurt or wronged in any type of relationship. Thank you so much for stoppin by Kim! Blessings!

  2. Oh yes, great advice! And forgiving the person that hurt you too. Once I was able to stop beating myself up over past mistakes, I realized I needed to forgive the other person, for my own sake. I find myself having to continually do it and remind myself it’s to set myself free not him.

    • Yes, it is so hard to leave the past in the past. Yet, it is what we must do in order to forgive ourselves and others. Letting it go is key to setting ourselves free! Thank you for stoppin by Alecia! Blessings!

  3. Your post is so needed today as many have suffered some form of abuse. Ann V at wrote a post just today to “Let Go of the Lie.” The lie that was heard at the time. You have mentioned some of those lies that were believed. After letting go it is time to believe what Jesus says about YOU. Thank you for sharing with us here at “Tell Me a Story.”

    • Yes it is such an important topic that many do not want to talk about, let alone hear about. Thank you for stoppin by Hazel! Blessings!

    • Amen! Today truly is all we need to focus on, the past can’t be changed and the future isn’t guaranteed. <3

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