My husband took our children to visit their Grammy this weekend and I’m left here alone in the silence.
As I sit here with no sounds in my home, (save the hum of my computer), I find myself wondering…
What is it about silence that we mothers crave so much?
Why do we long for the sole sound of our own heartbeat instead of the pitter-patter of little feet and chatter between our children?
Why do we wish away the short time we’re given with our little ones?
Why do I find so many reasons to do something else instead of playing one more game or taking time to check out their newest interest?
Why do I want silence when I crave noise when they’re away?
Someday they will be gone. Someday I will have all the silence I want and I’ll wish it away.
I’ll be longing for the hugs and kisses of days long past and wish I had done better at making it last.
I’ll be alone in the silence and my children will be grown.
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In the silence I remember the things that made me laugh and the times I pushed them away.
As the sun fades away I realize that I’ve lost one more day with my little blessings.
My children are over half-grown. Soon I will be alone.
I can’t bring their younger days back, but I can do better at staying on track.
I must put aside the things that don’t last. For these days will soon be past. I must choose to put play before work and snuggles before cleaning.
My children once were my world. My everything. My reason for living.
What changed?
I changed. I thought I didn’t need to focus so much on them anymore. I thought I could be my own person “finally”.
But I was wrong.
I need them more than ever because my time with them is almost past.
The truth is that I can’t be my own person because they are part of me and they always will be. And that’s the way I want it to be.