There is a quote that I’ve heard often over the years, and though I love the idea of it, I know that it isn’t accurate.
“Time heals all wounds.”
10+ years down the road, my wounds aren’t healed. The pain has lessened, the bad memories don’t hit me every day…but when I do remember, the pain is still there and reliving the memories makes it feel like it was yesterday.
So, if time alone doesn’t heal, how do you overcome relational abuse?
This is a difficult question…for which there is no simple answer.
No answer is a one size fits all either, because each story of relational abuse is different.
~ What I Know to Be True ~
Time is part of the overcoming process.
You’ll never forget.
Support is essential through it all.
Listening ears and shoulders to cry on are needed daily sometimes.
Forgiving yourself is a huge step.
Forgiving your abuser is the hardest part.
There is life after relational abuse.
Love is difficult at times, but completely possible after relational abuse.
ETA to Overcoming Relational Abuse
There is no time table for how soon or how long overcoming relational abuse will take. Being patient with yourself is necessary. If you try and rush the process then you may end up in a similar relationship because it’s comfortable or you may push everyone away and be alone.
Find and Accept Help After Relational Abuse
Relational abuse takes it toll on you mentally, physically, emotionally, and sexually on so many levels. Most people do not understand the depth of hurt you’re dealing with, but there are ways to find help through the midst of the pain.
In order to be able to overcome these things you must; give yourself time, accept support from those that love you, find support groups where people understand and can help you and most importantly you must know without a doubt that you are strong…you are a survivor!
No matter how much time has passed I believe we will always be in an overcoming process. The memories of relational abuse never go away, so it is a continual process to overcome the pain, frequent recollection, visual and mental associations, etc. We must daily choose to move beyond the memories and feelings that combat us from our past. Instead we must focus on today, on our future, and all the hope we have ahead of us.
We must never forget that our past does not dictate our future.
Please note….There are many different types and stages of relationship abuse, and admittedly more and worse than I have personally dealt with in my past. If I have not covered a type or stage of relationship abuse, it is because I do not have any personal dealings with it. However, my “ignorance” of the type, stage, feelings or after affects does not the change reality of this relationship abuse. If you or someone you love is in an abusive relationship please reach call The National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233.