As parents oftentimes we take on a “Do what I said and don’t ask why” or “Because I said so” attitude. While we are the authority to our children, this will not encourage communication between us and our children.
Please understand, I do believe that it is very important for our children to obey us as parents. Yet, I also believe that in order for them to continue to make the right decisions and choices throughout their lives, that it is highly dependent on what we teach them when they are young.
Think with me for a moment, what if we are only to tell them not to do it, with responses such as; “Because I said so” or “Do what I said and don’t ask why”?
The result most likely would be that when they become teenagers or young adults, they will decide to find out why we said “no” about certain things. They will discover why by doing the very things that we desired to keep them from, which was often for their protection.
How do we maintain the authority over our children, while encouraging communication with them?
1. When you say no to their request, if at all possible explain why.
It isn’t that they HAVE to know, but it will teach them that a communication relationship is important to you.
2. When their behavior or attitude is wrong, take them to God’s word and show them why it’s wrong.
There are plenty of scripture verses that cover the mouth, temper, attitude, etc. God will direct you to the perfect one for each situation.
3. After you’ve shown them why their attitude or behavior is wrong per God’s word; show them how they should be acting instead right from the Bible again.
Verses on pleasant words, good thoughts, kind actions, etc, are all written in the Bible to point our children in the right direction.
All communication with our children must not solely be correction based. We must ensure that our relationships with our children are filled with day to day conversations. Church, Sunday School, friends, books, movies, toys, games, school, work, etc. all of these activities provide plenty of opportunities to converse with them.
Ways to Encourage One on One Communication
1. Ensure that each child has time to chat with you alone every day.
It doesn’t have to be 30 minutes or even an hour. Start by giving each child 5-15 minutes of uninterrupted time just before bed.
2. When your child talks to you, stop what you’re doing and listed.
Walk away from the cutting board, computer, laundry pile, etc. Give them your undivided attention, they must know that you believe what they have to say is important.
3. Take each child out on an errand or “date” alone with you each month.
Going to the grocery store is much quieter alone. Yet, the one on one time with your child is more important. If you can squeeze in an ice cream date or shopping trip with them, then you’ll score some bonus points!
How we communicate with our children will either strengthen or weaken our relationships with them.
If we desire them to discuss the big stuff with us (especially as they mature into teenagers), then we must start by talking to them when they’re young, about every day things. Sometimes those every day things seem silly and/or repetitious, but we must remember it all is part of building our communication relationship.
May God direct our words as we seek to disciple our children by pointing them to Him in every aspect of their lives.
When my girls are having a hard time, I try so hard to listen quietly. If I don’t hear their hearts, I have no chance to influence them.
Yes, taking the time to really listen to not only the words, but the tone and body language as well. Sometimes there is more spoken there than from their mouths. Blessings Helene!
Very good points. When our daughter was very young, my husband heard me say “because I said so”. He asked me if that was really the way we wanted to raise her, or if we wanted her to be able to think for herself. It was an eye opener for me. I had been raised with more of a ‘because I said so’ attitude, so I wasn’t used to anything else. It made all the difference. Our daughter is now a beautiful, highly intelligent woman.
I often catch myself saying that phrase, but strive to be willing to explain the why more often than not. There are somethings that my little ones aren’t ready for, but as I feel they are ready I will explain more. Thank you for stoppin by Regina! Blessings!
You sound like a warm, compassionate woman and that shows in the way you discipline your children. When my son was 18 he told me that the reason he never rebelled was because we trusted him. Even though I knew he was doing things that were wrong, I allowed him to make those mistakes and learn from them, as difficult as it was to watch. From day one, I always made sure my children knew they could discuss anything with me and as a result, they still do. Now I watch how they raise their little ones and am reaping the benefits of disciplined, gentle, obedient grand children.
What a bless that must be to see your son raising your grandchildren lovingly and seeing the fruit of your labor with your son through them! I pray that I too will someday see some of that in my own grandchildren. For now I focus on discipling my little ones 😉 Blessings Carol!
I remember reading that John Wesley’s mother gave each child one hour a week of one-on-one time – it seems so little but it really is so big. What a wonderful list you’ve created – and it is so true – listen, spend quality time, have real conversation.
Yes, an hour is a great length of time and if you have several kids it can take a bit of time 😉 It is very important for our kids to know that they as individuals are important to us! Thank you for stoppin by! Blessings!
Thanks Misty. I’m a home school mom that spends waaaaaaaaay too much time with my two lovely teenagers — it’s all good! I am happy about it and thank God for the opportunity — but there are those times when I say “Because I said so — period.” It’s just familiarity brings it out of me — and all those darn questions :0))
Thank again for sharing.
Oh yes 😉 As homeschool moms we get LOTS of time with our little blessings 😉 There are times that I use that line too, but I do strive a midst all the questions to answer the “why” as I am able. Thank you for stoppin by! Blessings!
This is really inspiring and educative. Most of the times, we overlook all this things. If we never give our children time and teach them the way of God, we will for ever blame our selves, it will tell on our ministry and future. Shalom
Yes, it often is the simple things that we forget about that really can make a huge impact on our kids and future generations. Blessings!