I’m Losing Memories



Yesterday I realized something. Something that I hadn’t noticed had creeped into my life and my thoughts. Something that I have to stop.

Fact: My husband is 17 years older than me.

Fact: My husband’s commercial fishing is taking him away from the family for longer periods of time than ever.

These two facts can’t be changed. They are a part of my life.

Yet, what has become part of my life because of these facts is what needs to change.

I'm Losing Memories - By Misty Leask

What feels like forever ago, I watched a movie with one of the best friends I’ve ever had whom I miss greatly. It is a great movie, my favorite. But. It is one of the saddest movies I’ve ever seen. P.S. I Love You. The reason that I love the movie is because I realize that someday I will feel the loss of my husband that the wife (Holly) does more than likely (Lord willing not in the same manner, but the loss nonetheless). She loses the love of her life, her best friend and she doesn’t have a clue how to go on and for a time she falls into a state of depression and despair. Yet, in the end she finds her way. (I won’t say anymore in case you decide to watch it for yourself. Just be sure to have lots of tissues near by.)

My husband is my best friend. He is the love of my life. Not the romantic, flowery kind of love, but the abiding love that lasts a lifetime. The kind you can count on each and every day. If and when the day comes that I lose my husband, I know that I will feel exactly like Holly and I will more than likely go through a time of mourning just like she did. Yet, I know that God will not leave me there. I will find my way through life beyond the loss of my best friend. But, it hurts. Just the thought of going through this breaks my heart today.

Yesterday I realized that since my husband has been gone so much lately that I have begun to live my life protecting myself from the loss of him. I’ve been preparing myself for being alone. The times that he has asked me to come visit down south when we haven’t had guests, I’ve pushed him away, told him that I didn’t want to make the trip, that we wouldn’t have anything to do down there, that there wasn’t any reason for us to leave the cottages.

Life at the cottages is amazing. I love it here. But I don’t know that I can live here alone though. Yet, I don’t know if I can ever leave the cottages. This is the place where we came to start fresh, the first home that was only ours. No one else’s memories are here, the walls do not hold secrets that one of us doesn’t know. I love it here. It is my favorite memory of my life with my husband and I don’t know if I can let it go even if I have to live here alone.

What I do know is that I must not live life today protecting myself from the loss of my husband. I must not live today as if he will be gone tomorrow. Otherwise I will miss living the today with him that comes before that tomorrow. By not living today with my husband I am robbing memories from myself, memories that one day I could look back on and hold dear.

I don’t want to lose my best friend and I haven’t yet. But, if I don’t change this part of my life, I will lose my memories of today with him.

I will find my way today and through as many tomorrows that I have with my husband by my side. I will find my way on my own when the time comes with only God by my side, because I know He promises that He will never leave me.

 

This entry was posted in Being Real, My Heart by Misty Leask. Bookmark the permalink.

About Misty Leask

Misty is a Daughter of THE King, Texas girl always, Navy brat at heart, loving Fisherman's wife, blessed mother of 2. She is passionate about being real throughout all of life's struggles, successes and dreams. Her heart is full of ideas and passions, but the hours in her day never multiply to get it all done. Misty loves writing and reading in her spare time. Music and photography are favorite past times of hers as well.

Comments

I’m Losing Memories — 25 Comments

  1. How do you prepare your self for this loss my husband is 9 years older than I and we have been married almost 50 years. God has Blessed us so many times, and now has given us a new chapter my husband was diagnosed with diabetes in 1997 and now with Parkinson’s Disease we are fighting this battle together with Gods help. But sometimes I am so overwhelmed I don’t know what to do. I know God is always with me also that is the only way I am making it I am just not ready for all of this.

    • I don’t know how to prepare yourself. I’m just striving to live today and hold him close…not worrying about tomorrow. Praying for you Yvonne. <3

  2. It is quite possible that your husband will lose you. You never know how God may work, but memories can always be written, video taped, pictured, and audio taped as well. This way memories can be cherished for a life timore or more

  3. Wow, this is really beautiful. I love our inner reflection and realization that life is short and time we have is precious. This is what so much of my blog is based on. I read a great book by Francis and Lisa Chan called You and Me Forever. You should check it out. It talks about the ways in which our eternity is more important than our marriage, and that we have to be right with the Lord before we can be in right in our marriage. Good stuff. Thanks for sharing :) #TwinklyTuesday

  4. This reminds me of that quote… Today is a gift, that’s why it’s called the present. Awww and I love PS I love you too! Definitely makes you want to hold your husband closer.

  5. Visiting from women with intention.

    great post, it’s definitely important to take time and live in the moment and to not worry about the time you don’t get together. My husband and I work opposite schedules meaning we don’t see each other as often as I would like. But I try to focus on the time we do get together and the memories we’re creating then, instead of the time we don’t get together.

    liz @ sundays with sophie

  6. I love this article. It speaks volume. I lost my husband to an ugly divorce. It was so painful…I thought I would die. But God…always so faithful brought me through. Cherish the time you have with your husband. You said it best. Thanks so much for sharing this.

  7. This is such a lovely post. Sometimes it is so easy to get overwhelmed by things that are completely out of our control. Such things can haunt us and stop us from enjoying the here and now. I am glad you have come to realise that you do have no control over this and that you must live your life as it is right now. I hope you make many more wonderful happy memories with your husband. Thanks so much for links up with #TwinklyTuesday – please can you remember to add the badge to your post when you link up :)

  8. This is so beautiful. I have totally found myself doing this with my own husband and trying to protect my heart in a way, and it’s such a journey to trust God with his future and our future together. Thanks for sharing this beautiful and vulnerable post!

    • Yes, protection is often what drives me to pull away. Yet, I must not because my memories will be lost in doing so. Blessings Lauren!

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