After walking away from relational abuse, typically love is the last thing you want mentioned and the furthest thing from your mind. The pain and agony you’re having to deal with coupled with the bad memories that are filling your mind, the idea of love coming your way in the future isn’t even a thought.
Once you begin to take steps to begin your new life after relational abuse, thoughts like, “Will I ever find love?”, “Will I ever be able to really love someone?”, “Am I unlovable?”, etc. will begin to run through your mind. These thoughts are normal, but you must not let them decide your future love life.
A new relationship is not something you should jump into after an abusive relationship. The desire to feel loved and have someone with you is normal, but take this time to accept support from your family and friends. This is not the time to look for love.
Being able to start a relationship with someone is a huge step in the life after relational abuse process, but moving from an abusive relationship directly into another relationship is a form of rebounding. The thought of being alone is scary and sometimes we’d rather have someone with us, no matter if they’re right for us or not. Doing this will prohibit your ability to process and move beyond the relational abuse in your past. This is a step that you should only take after enough time has passed and you’ve forgiven yourself and your abuser.
Time is the best healer, and by allowing enough time to pass by so you can forgive and begin to really live again, you have a greater chance to find love that will last a lifetime. Giving yourself the time needed to heal, forgive and move forward is key to having a lasting, loving relationship in the future.
Remember that while love after relational abuse is possible, it should not be your life’s focus. You need to stay focused on moving beyond the pain and bad memories that are in your past. Love will find it’s way to you in it’s own time.
I’m here to tell you that there can be love after relational abuse, you can spend the rest of your life with the one whom your soul loves.