Being Real: Love After Relational Abuse

After walking away from relational abuse, typically love is the last thing you want mentioned and the furthest thing from your mind. The pain and agony you’re having to deal with coupled with the bad memories that are filling your mind, the idea of love coming your way in the future isn’t even a thought.


Once you begin to take steps to begin your new life after relational abuse, thoughts like, “Will I ever find love?”, “Will I ever be able to really love someone?”, “Am I unlovable?”, etc. will begin to run through your mind. These thoughts are normal, but you must not let them decide your future love life. 

A new relationship is not something you should jump into after an abusive relationship. The desire to feel loved and have someone with you is normal, but take this time to accept support from your family and friends. This is not the time to look for love. 

Being able to start a relationship with someone is a huge step in the life after relational abuse process, but moving from an abusive relationship directly into another relationship is a form of rebounding. The thought of being alone is scary and sometimes we’d rather have someone with us, no matter if they’re right for us or not. Doing this will prohibit your ability to process and move beyond the relational abuse in your past. This is a step that you should only take after enough time has passed and you’ve forgiven yourself and your abuser.

Time is the best healer, and by allowing enough time to pass by so you can forgive and begin to really live again, you have a greater chance to find love that will last a lifetime. Giving yourself the time needed to heal, forgive and move forward is key to having a lasting, loving relationship in the future. 

Remember that while love after relational abuse is possible, it should not be your life’s focus. You need to stay focused on moving beyond the pain and bad memories that are in your past. Love will find it’s way to you in it’s own time. 

I’m here to tell you that there can be love after relational abuse, you can spend the rest of your life with the one whom your soul loves. 






About Misty Leask

Misty is a Daughter of THE King, Texas girl always, Navy brat at heart, loving Fisherman's wife, blessed mother of 2. She is passionate about being real throughout all of life's struggles, successes and dreams. Her heart is full of ideas and passions, but the hours in her day never multiply to get it all done. Misty loves writing and reading in her spare time. Music and photography are favorite past times of hers as well.


Being Real: Love After Relational Abuse — 4 Comments

  1. I agree that a person has to forgive their abuser before they move into another relationship because if they do not the bitterness and hurt that they hold in their heart will rear up its daggers and puncture their new relationships.

    • Yes, that is very true. You must let go and forgive before you try to love another. Thank you for stoppin by! Blessings!

  2. I just finished reading your series and watching your vlog. As a woman who was in an abusive relationship for over 20 years (got out 6 years ago) I was excited to see that you posted this series. Thank you! I have not yet been able to write directly about my experiences but I have talked about it. I have written poetry pieces about it also. I am praying about whether or not I should tackle this topic on my blog. You have given my food for thought, inspiration and boldness. Thank you!

    • It was not an easy series to write. Looking back though it was very healing, healing that hadn’t happened yet occurred throughout this series. If you’re unsure whether or not to tackle it on your blog or not, I would suggest just start by writing it and saving it as a draft. Sometimes the healing is in the writing, not the publishing. Praying for you Dede!

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