The best decision I ever made in my current marriage was also the hardest. After being dealt a very hard and unexpected blow to me as a wife, I knew something had to change. I couldn’t keep on the way things had been going and it couldn’t be a temporary change. It wasn’t fair to our children to have the ups and downs and I couldn’t continue to live that way either. After receiving counseling from our Pastor, we decided that a short term separation was the best way to go forward.
Separation is Not to Be Taken Lightly
Choosing to separate yourself from your spouse is not something you do at the drop of a hat or because of a slight disagreement. It is a decision that should be made after receiving counsel from your Pastor or Christian Counselor and only if marriage resolution cannot be made in any other way. This time needs to be dedicated to prayer, reading God’s word, continuing counseling and reading books from Godly authors on the topic your marriage is faced with currently.
Separation Does Not Always = Divorce Prep
Choosing to separate yourself from your spouse (and your kids too sometimes) does not always mean you’re getting ready for a divorce. After facing extreme difficulty, taking time to pray and figure out what God’s will is for you personally and your marriage is the best way to spend a separation period. God can work amazing miracles in your heart and life during this time, IF you are focused on Him, His Word and HIS will for you and your marriage.
Separation Can Bring Healing
When spouses take the time to seek the Lord wholeheartedly in desire for bringing healing and resolution to their marriage, God can work a miracle. Healing can be yours and love can blossom again. It will take time, trust will not automatically be given, but it is true that with God anything is possible. Don’t expect healing overnight, make sure both spouses know to give each other adequate space during the separation time and after. We each process things differently and on different schedules, if you try to move things quicker the result can be your spouse further pulling away from you.
Taking three weeks to get alone with God, receive counseling and allowing myself time to grieve over the pain I’d been dealt without the distractions of life was truly one of the greatest decisions I’ve ever made. By sending my kids to “vacation” with their grandparents it kept them from seeing the pain I was going through and asking what was wrong with Mommy. God did a miraculous work in my husband and I during that time. He changed our hearts, outlooks and our marriage in ways that I highly doubt would have been possible without a separation time. I know without a shadow of a doubt that our marriage would not have lasted without this separation time where we each separately got alone with the Lord and cried out to Him to save our marriage. How thankful I am that God worked in us and our marriage, it has become a beautiful journey that I can look back on and see the very hand of God moving throughout the last 5 years.